So not disciplining myself :(

So I haven't been doing such a great job writing in this blog. I feel that I should and I think about it daily. I just never get around to doing it. I feel more than ever that I should be doing this because I need to know that my words can be read and seen by another person. Why? I guess because I don't talk about my feelings to other people. Part of me doesn't want to be a burden and the other part of me doesn't want to let people in. Now is my chance to change this thought pattern.

I was watching the Season Finale of Teen Mom 2. While some of the girls do questionable things, I feel that each one is a great mom. The way their faces light up with their children is inspiring. I feel that while their children were born to them at a young age, they have their purpose right in front of them. Its that motivation.

I think I have lost sight of my purpose in life. My big purpose. I can't say that I want a child, I'm far to selfish at this point. My job isn't what I want it to be. I want to be helping others and being compensated at a good rate, a rate where I can pay off my bills. I need a reminder of what my purpose is.

Update on Me.

It has been a while and I feel I should update you.
I started Atkins and ended it. I felt all shaky and felt like my heart was racing. I tried not to let my cravings for pasta and chocolate, etc get to me, but they did. :( I wish that I had not been so easy to give up so I'm thinking of starting again. I just wish there was an easier way, a way to commit.

* The dog is asleep beside me, and I think she is dreaming of chasing or attacking someone because she is growling and barking in her sleep.*

Anyway, I really am nervous about all this. I was considering following another diet, similar to Weight Watchers or SlimFast. I need to lose weight. Sitting here and thinking about it is not going to make it happen. I don't want to go buy weight loss pills because they don't work. I need help!!!